Like you, but different...

Move it...

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 17:37:37 GMT

I HAVE MOVED... in lj at least.

if you wanna move with me then you can find me at _plastic_venus_

Hope you can all make it ^_^

HOMOGLOBIN IS NO MORE

I really, really wish I could be somewhere else

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 06:44:44 GMT

God, I've been so fucking emo the last few days it's driving me insane! I've myself listening to (and liking much to my horror) James Blunt and Razorlight. It's gotten so bad I almost listened to The Used the other day, but managed to save myself in time and turn it off.

And I really don't know what's wrong. Well, that's not true. It's everything. But only in an overthetopemogothsomuchpressureswoon kind of way. Eurgh, I hate when I feel this way which really never helps.

Um, anyway, to the point and beyond. I think I'll retire this livejournal. I've abandoned it for far too long and only use it to whine when I do get on it.

Will let you know later on whats really happening, though if I do get a new livejournal I'll be sure to add you.

Eurgh I really need someone to talk to. Someone who isn't lj. But I just know that if I find that person I'll forget what my problems are and just keep them bottled up again.

Well, so long.

OH....MY....GOD!

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 14:08:47 GMT

This album is so funking amazing and I've only listened to the first 3 songs!

Makes me remember why I love Brian Molko so goddamned much!

Buy it...it's the new Timo Maas album btw

It's the first day of the rest of your life...don't fuck it up!

Random Internet Cafe Update

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 11:50:34 GMT

Hey long lost peeps out there, how have we all been?

Right so two things really, Brian Molko collaborating with Timo Mass is a good thing. Such a pretty voice. However ABBA mixes are definetly a bad thing (and no, that wasn't one of the two things, its just that's what just came on my mp3 player and it's scary-ing med as I type). Anyhoo, not having a job/computer sucks just as much as not having a computer/job. (see what I did there?)

Right, actually there was more than two things, but you know, if I said there was an amount of things then you probably would have pee'd off already, so naaawww!

Um, City of Heroes is a fantastic game and not at all geeky because...because I like it and I am the coolest person ever to have lived. My mum told me so.

Not much else really, I keep spending money and have yet to earn any. I really do hate not having a job. I almost even miss working at Upper Crust...wait wait, that's crazy talk. But I miss having to do stuff. And money, I miss that too.

Ooh, moving on Thursday, so I'll finally get to see this new flat (second bloody year in a row :P *shakes fist*) and you all must come to the flat warming, whenever we decide it's going to be (probably around about the 6th/7th July).

That's it really, now I am away to continue finding a job.

Life lesson learned by Robin on Wednesday night/Thursday morning:feck putting them on a pedastool, men suck...and badly at that.

I see you found my underground

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 15:09:33 GMT

"You don't want a normal relationship. You want an idle. Someone you can put on a pedestal and worship"

One of the few things I can remember from last night, and unfortunatly it's true. She knows me too well.

It's the first day of the rest of yoiur life

Window into my mind...

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 19:40:44 GMT

Had a really horrible dream last night, not beacuse it was particularly graphic, just in how it made me feel when i wake up. Sparing details of people involved as to protect myself it went roughly as follows: I (and pretty much everyone I know) was on a train, which was going really fast. and then i heard that one of my friends was leaving (i presume he was leaving the train) and this really upset me, and i mean really upset me. I was sitting there crying, bawling my eyes out screaming that this person wasn't allowed to leave and that they had to stay. even though they said that they would be back as often as possible i just coulnd't accept it. then as i was walking around this speeding train bawling my eyes out as someone tried to console me, i went to the edge of the train and sat down with my feet dangling over the edge, and even though the train was moving so fast the ground was moving really. thats when i woke up feeling unbelievably awful and confused.

anyone who wants to take a stab at deciphering it can be my guest, i wanna know what it means if anything.

and this is not long after i had the dream where i was god and kept drowing people.... :S

Du hast mich gefragt

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 19:13:03 GMT

Rammstein are amazingly amazing, amd i have overlooked them for too long!

Important (Kinda)

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 13:56:49 GMT

Well, that's that then, my computer has completely given up the ghost and even though I didn't really update all that much and it was never really interesting because I got an evil blue screen telling me my memory was being dumped (sound familiar Paul?) I can no longer access my computer and therefore the internet. so anything you have to say urgently to me should be said by phone.

I am really just pissed off because now i can't get to the norwegian E.S.C. entry I downloaded just before this whole unfortunate event.

ttfn x

Just so you know

Mon, 23 May 2005 16:00:49 GMT

Norway's eurovision entry has to be the greatest thing I've seen in a good long time.

That is all

News in briefs

Fri, 20 May 2005 13:22:27 GMT

I am now unemployed and very scared as I have no idea how I am going to get more money, a job seems the best idea but that will be harder done than said, I just know it. The whole fear of my financial future isn't helped by the fact I handed over £300 to new flat people this morning...slighlty worrying again.

Anyhoo, so what's been happening while I've been away from all you lovely lj people? If you wanna post nice and concise replies stating any earth shattering (or even moderately interesting) news I would be most thankfull.

As for me. I was working a lot, now I'm not so much. Only second day off after my last day and already I'm weeing myself about it all. Not literally though. 'cos that would be just a bit disgusting.

I have a saxophone, I have played it twice so far. Not too good. Though will practice when I head home this weekend as, well, I spent £500 on it so I better start bloody playing it, that's what I say.

The Hitchhiker's movie sucks anus btw.

Was at Disko the other night, which was really funky, despite my complete lack of dancing energy, though I do quite like going and just listening to the music. Really loud rock is good, though my ears are still ringing. Sorry to anyone there who thought I was depressed or anything. Was just being a drama queen and too unmoved to tell people this. Thanks for all the pats on the head though :)

if anyone out there feel's like getting me anything, just for the hell of it, please pick something from the following list, thankyou:
1) a job (the usual restrictions apply)
2) my dream man
3) money...lots and lots of money
4) ugs-dray ;)
5) time to catch up with everyone in a non-getting pissed or work capacity
6) stability

That is all for now, 'till the next time...

Sat, 14 May 2005 08:00:46 GMT

drama at work = me unemployed by wednesday....please donate generously ;)

ps will update soon

Well, that's that then

Fri, 06 May 2005 08:15:04 GMT

So I voted and they lost, which means i can rightfully complain for the next four years which is nice.

Also, how proud am I of the old Higlands and Islands, almost all voting so either Lib Dems or SNP, nice to know some places have common sense left (not that i like the SNP, but y'know, they aren't Labour or the Tories).

Peace.

Update on the fly

Thu, 05 May 2005 08:58:28 GMT

1) I'm still alive (yay)
2) I'm still working (boo)
3) I apparantly have a new flat (yay)
4) haven't seen said flat and its rather expensive (very worrying)
5) Haven't read lj in a while so have no idea what any of you guys are up to because I'm too busy from point 2 (boo)
6) I need a new job, so if anyone knows of anything please text me about it since i have no time to get on the net :(
7) i'm 19
8) still on emergancy fucking tax
9) Betty is starting to piss me right off
10) can't quit because of point 4
11) bye

Invite

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 10:10:08 GMT

Since (by order of the Timothy) I have actually gone to the bother to getting Saturday the 23rd off of work, I demand that you all come out for a couple of drinks to celebrate me getting one step closer to whatever awaits me.

Friday 22nd April
(thats a week today)

Planet Out

8:30ish onwards

Everyone's welcome, lemme know if you're coming.
x

blip on the radar

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 06:01:26 GMT

well, hi. Long time no update, I know, though I'm still not entirely convinced there's anyone out there interested in that fact, so this will be another post used to show myself in the future that i never really had a life and it was all a wonderful dream that night I finally caved and went on a drug trip which i hoped would destroy me (I'm as sure of this happening as I am that I will get lung cancer before either Adam or Timothy - or any of my growing number of smoking friends - and that I'm going to get struck down on the roads of Edinburgh one day).

Eurgh, sorry, not a very good start. It's the work. They've managed to take enough of my time to stop me looking for another job and make me as tired as sin, while paying me too little to be able to quit and survive a while as I try to find a new job. I want a career. I'm done with University. Couldn't deal with going back. I look at people in their third and fourth years and I couldn't deal with that kind of stress, I was almost having a breakdown in first year for christ's sake.

My room is an utter sty, and even though I had two consecutive days off there I refused to clean it. I don't like how I'm living. It just doesn't seem worth it. I need...something. Just something unbelievably good, or even just something really good, to happen, to show me it's not all worthless and that I'll be able to sort it all out soon enough. But then again, those kind of things rarely (if ever) happen to me. Don't get me wrong, I have the most wonderful friends and I couldn't ask for anything more in that area, but every other area is...eggshell white.

This may all have something to do with my dad getting a new job, and when I read the advert of the job he's getting (while I am undeniably happy that he got a new job which could lead to him living in edinburgh) it made me realise just how clever and successful he is: partner in his own veterinary practice, member of mensa, has been a expert witness in a very big (in it's field) court case, and now this. Just a bit too much to live up to. And I know "my life is my own" if you have a successful parent, people expect you to be successful offspring...or at least not a complete failure.

I will never be special

Flump it all

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 14:00:30 GMT

Dear-mother-fucking-cock-sucking-bull-shitting-god does work suck or what? working 59 hours this week and the boss just phoned me (its my day off so i'm guessing he wanted me to work, i didn't answer...cunt)

(expletive)x10^10000000000

For those who can't see me in person

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 18:00:40 GMT

I present my new hair:

By the light of the night

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 20:28:03 GMT

So, the day after my whiney angst outburst and nothing's really different. as to be expected. and the world keeps on turning. While the post was fueled by Drink and paranoia brought on by it, there was real feelings behind it. And the tear stains on elliots shoulder will tell you that, and if he ever reads it i can't thank him enough for just being there last night.

With all that out of the way, I just want to say last night (up untill half one-ish) was one of the greatest nights in a long time. seriously, great people (two fantasic new people, being Scott and Gemma, who both rock) and just a good time. untill the angst that is. but that's just a vibe side effect.

Quote of the night (from a gay lady, before i get angry feminists attacking me): "Seriously, when did lesbians get so damned ugly? Did I miss a memo?"

not saying i agree with it (all lesbians i know are pretty as kittens) but it was funny as eddie (trying not to swear, so replace f words with legendary comedians, clever ol' me) at the time.

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 02:45:55 GMT

I am not okay. things are not fine. They never have been and they never will be. I say I'll be fine, I say it's okay, just so people don't worry. Just so people don't think about it too much. Just so people don't do what I am so utterly desperate for them to do.
I can't live under the shadow anymore. But then I never have a choice but to live under the shadow. I'm always the friend and never the one people go out to see. Whenever i go out, the first question is always "Where's X?" I am never enough. Noone is ever content with just me. I'm always the sidekick, if that, there for comedic value but nothing more, people really want to see X but will make do with me untill he shows up.
I just wish people would ask him "Where's Robin?" "is he coming out tonight?" with genuine want in their voices. I'm always the pathetic robin, never really wanted, never really needed.
I'm always left as an outside thought, never the main priority. I left Vibe in tears tonight and it feels like noone cared. I stood outside in the freezing cold for over half an hour and it feels like noone cared.
I came home to a package from my mum, and written on one of the letters was "Don't Worry, everything will work out in the end" but she doesn't know that. It never works out, not for me. Problems pop up and i supress them, convince myself i have no problems and everything i feel is just paranoia. but i have problems, and they are real. I have never been okay. I will never be okay. I will always be as fucked as i am tonight and it feels like noones fucking cares. as long as i keep pretending i'm fine, everything will be okay on the surface.

and after all, that's all that fucking matters, isn't it?

Note: I edited the entry because it was phrased all wrong, this was always self deprication, never against anyone else, and i mean that.

My head is all tingly...

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 18:28:44 GMT

and in other news I Hung My Head by Johnny Cash is an unbelievably amazing song.

Thanks to Neil for bringing the album into work *yay*

I am not afraid?

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 08:30:06 GMT

As opposed to a proper update, have a few truths I've learned (or re-learned) over the past few days:

* Working is tiring
* Working shifts is annoying, especially when they give you the worst possible days off
* Employers are very reluctant when it comes to paying employees
* Withnail & I is a really really good film
* Electron Blue is a truly wonderful song and the album it's on (Around The Sun i think, but am most likely to be very wrong) is fantastic
* I don't like saving money
* I want my saxophone and I want it now
* I wish I drank coffee or red bull...I need more caffeine in my system
* I don't like being so useless

Well, bye

Sing it to the tune of "faggot, faggot, faggot!"

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 13:09:59 GMT

So last night just plain rocked. Everyone who wasn't there should have been, soo much fun. And my companions for the evening are just the greatest. So highlights of the evening include them finally playing Mindless Self Indulgence after months of trying to get them to (even if they did play it early in the night so no dancing fun was had); not drinking too much and being able to make it to dance at the last song (Electric 6 - Gay Bar if you're wondering, and I know soo original. But shut up it rocked); Managing to mosh away the chav girl pill squad and Lisa rushing to stop their "lets pull the straps on that boys trousers and see if he falls down ha ha we're so funny" plan; getting a pigs ear medal for coming to disko (which is slightly disturbing this morning but was funky as all hell last night); them playing a placebo song that wasn't 'The Bitter End' (though they did play that later); Battle of the flyer hander outers at the end of the night (Heroes vs Shame, both of which i can't go to due to always working on sundays *dies*).

So yeah, you should have come.

Low point of the evening: Having to watch puffer jacket ned girl air guitar to Placebo...I honestly died a bit inside...

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 00:22:18 GMT

I'm not feeling too happy...

Be cool hunny bunny

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 21:37:35 GMT

my feet hurt!

Well, now that's out of the way, let's have some bitching *ooh fun*
So what have i been doing with myself? *workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork* and so on, you get the idea. I have a cold, and no enegry, and really sore feet, and headaches, and my room is freezing (literally, there was snow outside and i have a heater that doesn't work and the only way i can be remotely comfortable enough to go to sleep is to have a hot water bottle in my sleeping bag and still have my douvet over me! and even then i still shiver a bit! so not fair! Adam has his heater on almost all the time, gets a lovely warm room and runs up a huge electricity bill and i have to pay a third of it! for shivering in my room and going to work i have to be out over £100 every time that fucking bill comes! I mean, ok so i'm not objecting to adam (and timothy since he lives in that room too) having heating on, but i don't see why i should have to pay for so much of it when i only use it at most a couple hours a day when i go in to talk to them. What with council tax and rent to come off my over taxed paycheck (which i still haven't fucking got yet! bitches) i can't afford to pay for something i get very little benefit from. I wouldn't object if them having that heater on warmed the flat or even just the hall, but everywhere but adam's room is freezing, and i have to endure it! god fucking damn it!) and Upper crust is under staffed, and the new manager is changing things and people are getting holidays, and people are bitching about my friends and i have no point in life and i have no money because they fucked up the fucking pay thing and so i was meant to get this weeks pay (read the pay for the first week i worked) in cash bit the person who was doing it went home and didn't tell me anything anf my feet still hurt, and i am so fucking alone its not even funny and my life has no direction and i'm a failure in the eyes of anybody i care about and ares isn't connecting so i can't download any invader zim to make me feel better and it's my mum's birthday on monday but since i wasn't paid today so i can't put the money in the bank tomorrow so i can't order her her present offline and have it rushed special delivery to her on her birthday *wins worst son ever award* and i really miss my Cat and things were so much easier when i was in primary school, and if i ever manage to get money to afford to go out i just know i'll be either to tired from working or working the next day so won't be able to go out and what's the fucking point of making fucking baguettes anyway? If i don't make the baguettes it doesn't matter! so some spoiled fucking brat doesn't get his lunch, big deal! it's not life changing, i don't help people by doing this...and i've said "Jesus Fucking Christ" so many times in the past fortnight that if there is a hell i'm going there and whats the deal with Abba? They suck so godamned much so why do i have to listen to them for 5 hours every morning and what's with that stupid bitch playing 'Waterloo' over and over and over and over and over again?!

What a way to make a living...

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 08:29:24 GMT

Hey peeps (and peepettes) how's life? funky :)
Anyhoo, yeah, been working for a week now and it's been...well, worky really. People are cool though and my clothes smell nicer than they did when I worked at BK. Also the food is nicer. And you can listen to music. But still, it's work and therefore not so good.

Really wanna get paid, kinda have no money, which is quite shitty. As is them putting me on emergancy tax, which i just know they're going to do, cos they suck, fecking stupid government, don't want to work 45 hours a week just to let them take 40% of my paycheck :( *sulks* let's all be communists *does the communist dance*

Bleh, i'm sure that wouldn't work either, but hey.
Tata for now
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